"I Had to Do It..." Pg. 105-106

Lennie and I were standing in the brush staring out at the distance. I told him about how we are going to get a little place. I took Carlson's Luger out of my pocket while Lennie was upstream. I was so nervous and I didn't know how to do this, but I knew it had to be done. I looked quickly at the back of Lennie's head, and raised the gun with an unsteady hand. A rush a fear grew within me and I had to lower the gun. Then Lennie, unaware of what I was doing, kept saying 'go on.' Therefore, I continued the story. Lennie turned his head to me, but I immediately told him to turn back around. I didn't want him to see what I was about to do. I was nervous the way it was and I didn't want Lennie to see me. I then told him that if he looked far into the distance, he could see our ranch. I felt terrible for doing this to Lennie, but it was for his own good. I told Lennie that I was not mad at him and that I never will be. Then, I looked back down at the gun. I raised it up with an unsteady hand, and pulled the trigger. This feeling was indescribable, but it had to be done for Lennie's sake. I wanted to look out for Lennie, just like I always did. I needed to kill him. If I didn't kill him, Curley would have made Lennie's death horrid and painful. He was my best friend, I had to do it.